Today’s portfolio choice is of Travis standing in the window, completely exposed. This is the natural spring morning light. My studio is designed in such a way that there is no direct light in to my shooting room, but I have built in a bank of windows to the east that are slightly shaded by the trees. During the spring before the leafs fill the trees I have a couple of weeks of the most beautiful light that fills the studio for about an hour or so each morning. I take full advantage of this sort of opportunity and call in everyone I can to explore the range of body, form and light with a different subject. When I first began photography all I had was natural light because I could not afford any kind of lighting equipment. I really learned to work with it and pay attention to the shift in color throughout the day. But having worked in theater for so many years I was always drawn to how I could control and refine the light; so using an artificial source allowed me to effect how I wanted it to look. But to me this was perfection to see the natural light and be able to work with it and still maintain my artistic vision.

I began printing the portfolio the past couple of days and have forgotten how complicated the printing process has become. I did most of the black and whites yesterday and they are much easier because you are only dealing with the curve of the tone and it’s easy to place them where you want, but color is a whole other matter. You are dealing with the curves of the tone now on many different levels because each one is affected by a different layer of color. I have all my equipment color calibrated to get close to what I see on the screen in the printing process. But a print is a completely different medium than the screen. It is viewed in two completely separate ways. One has to be translated to the other. With paper you are dealing with the reflectance of light off the surface of the medium, where as on the monitor you are looking through the light. I know this may sound silly, but it really takes a lot of tweaking to make the transfer possible. There is no specific setting that you can just set it to and it will automatically print; each print must be adjusted individually. I did not shoot all my images the same, therefore I cannot expect them to all print the same. So it really begins with a test print and then gets tweaked through a series of printings that eventually get me to the final point of satisfaction.

Printing in the darkroom was much the same, but seeming longer; upward of 20 minutes per print. I am using a very fine paper that runs about $1.50 sheet, and often times it take about 3 to 4 prints to get me in the range, so you can very quickly eat up a lot of expense on images that will merely get tossed away before I even get to the final artist proofs, much less the final prints. So the blog is late today because I am absorbed in this arduous task of creating final prints for the portfolio. I actually love this part of the process, as much as I become absorbed in it and forget to take breaks. When you are doing a large series, like I am for this portfolio, it really begins to break you down after a couple of hours and I really just need to step away and take a break. Now you all see my obsessive nature coming to light.

Today’s image is dedicated to my dear friend Greg Lane. He is a neighbor and has been a buddy for a very long time now. He used to come and help me on various photo shoots and has many of my images hanging around his house. Thanks for your constant support and your contribution to this project.

Every once in a while you create an image that utterly defines who you are. Today’s portfolio image is called “End of the Relationship #641.“ First of all this was the first time I had shot a couple together, both of the subjects I had been working with individually for several sessions. They had been together for a long time and knew that their relationship was coming to a close. They both needed to move in different directions and felt they had began to separate. The economy was crashing and it was becoming more and more difficult to find work and remain sustainable in Montana. One of them knew he had to get out of Montana and look for work elsewhere. They both trusted me and loved what I was doing photographically so they came to me to capture some images that would embody what their relationship had been before they separated. So I brought them into the studio, designed lighting that I thought would best enhance the mood of that relationship. It was probably one of the most entrancing photo shoots I have ever experienced. I had somehow felt like I had stepped inside their relationship and become a part of what was happening. We shot for several hours and with hundreds of photos, but this was the one that always lept out at me when I began to work through the series, and I am still drawn into it every time I look at it. To me this captured the essence of my identity as a gay man. This moment of connection to another man, embraced in each other’s arms.

So many people have responded that they do not like the title of the image, but to me it is perfect. It holds in time and place a moment, perhaps that ethereal moment in time that we all remember in our minds eye fondly and cherish about being in love. Being in love always seems to fade, but the memory of its emotional impact on us never does. I feel lucky in my life because I have been in love many times whereas so many only get that opportunity once. It is a moment our great vulnerability that often once burned is never trusted again. I am a man who leaps with his heart, always have, and this is what I bring to my art. Yes, I have been burned but it seems the feeling to explore the possibility are limitless, why should we limit our potential for growth, by a bad experience. This image takes a lot of courage to create and let go of that moment so it can live forever. So many times we hang on to relationships beyond their capacities to nurture us anymore. So many times we do not know when to let go and move on and then a destructive process of separation begins to occur where we hurt, perhaps unintentionally what we once cherished. This is perfection as I remember it. We are all human and deserve love, but we must first be open to it. Yet it is remarkable when we can recognize when it’s time to move on and have the courage to do so.

This became a moment when I knew that what I had been creating in private all these years could no longer remain hidden.

Today’s image is dedicated Bryan Spellman, one of the first gay men I met in our small mountain city who became a role model of how to live a life of dignity because of our differences.

The third model I began to work with during the fall of 2009 was a man named Jeremy. Jeremy is the person I photographed the most; I could almost do a book on Jeremy alone. Every time I had an idea or concept of a new direction I wanted to explore, Jeremy was the guy I called. Today’s image was originally a study on the red cloth. I have always been fascinated by the use of light and beauty of balance in the paintings of Caravaggio. I had spent many days looking for various fabrics that would replicate the fabrics used in so many of his works. So I call this fabric a Caravaggio Red. It seemed to set off and balance with the natural skin tones. I had the walls of my studio finished with a heavy texture and then painted gray. I chose gray to control the light in the studio and to keep reflectance from bouncing around the room. But the gray also seems to have a hint of many different colors and the room actually changes color according to the light that fills the room at the moment. I tend to balance the color pallet of my light and exposure to a slightly warmer temperature, to affect a sort of candle or incandescent source. To me, it heightens the romantic context of the subject and mood of the subject. The warmer tones tend to bring out a greenish color of the gray in the walls, which I totally love. This image is my first real exploration into finding that balance of color, tone, and light. The images from this series were strictly meant to be a test and the images never intended to be shown. As Jeremy and I began to look at the images, we were both captivated so much that we pulled them from the trash and began to show them. The response was astonishing and the whole series become beautiful works of art.

Last week when my dad went into the clinic for some tests because of the heart issues he was having, I spent the afternoon with him and his wife Norma, waiting for things to happen. I mentioned my upcoming trip that I was working toward planning next month. He was kind of shocked or surprised that I was leaving. He had no idea of what I have been working on this year. Though he only lives an hour from me, I don’t really talk a lot about things I am involved in. I have to say he is aware of these types of images I create and I assumed since he was on Facebook, and the rest of my family was aware of this project, that he also was aware of it. It feels like much of my life has been lived on a certain awareness but a lack of communication, mostly because I am not sure how to relate what it is I do to them. So a couple of days later I sent my father the link to the Kickstarter program I am currently using to raise money to move this project to the next level. I called him yesterday to check in and he was just blown away by what I am doing. He said he is going to make a pledge to help me make it happen.

I have recently been updating the campaign to include reviews of what others have been saying about my images and work and he was completely captivated that I had achieved such recognition. I was completely floored by my father and his response to the whole project. Thanks dad for your love and support.

The other thing I have to mention is yesterday Glenn worked like crazy all day to create a new Facebook page for THE NAKED MAN PROJECT. It is awesome!!! We have posted and linked many of the Facebook acceptable images from the blog to this page and oh my god what a journey I have been on. I completely forgot how amazing some of those old posts had been. I feel like I am so caught up in trying to make this all happen, that it’s consuming all my inner thoughts and perspectives. I promise I will get back to that once I get this Kickstarter campaign out of the way.

Today is dedicated to Bob Peterson, who keeps pushing the button each day and says I like what you are doing, and keeps encouraging me when the uncertainty begins to creep in. Thanks for believing in what I am doing. Who wrote on my Facebook the other day when I was having doubts, “No, you can’t put the geni back in the bottle and keep this to yourself. It belongs to all of us now.” Bob your words of wisdom always seem to dispel the insecurities. This is what the global community it truly about.

In the fall of 2009, I also began working with a guy named John and this image of him becomes the ninth image in the portfolio collection. John had a very classic body, but was completely unaware of what that meant. He was in his mid 30’s and had a lot of issues dealing with insecurities about how he saw himself. He was a painter by profession, I had met on line and began to chat with and eventually coaxed him into the studio for a session. We did several sessions and no matter how I lit him the classic beauty of his natural body shown through. He was probably the person most surprised to see him self in this light. The images work in color as well as black and white. I had recently been the Met in NYC and spent a day photographing the statues of their Greek and Roman collections, a passion of mine. But there the subjects were encased in marble and stood still indefinitely as I worked around them. With John this was the first time I actually worked with a live model to capture the essence of that classic style.

The Kickstarter program seems to be coming along well. The last couple of days I have been posting reviews others have been sending me about what I am doing. It’s amazing how much art brings us together and creates our sense of community. This Kickstarter program seems to bring out the best in everyone and not just fiscally but building a sort of camaraderie amongst us as artists. As artists we tend to be a poor lot that don’t make a lot of money, so it’s hard to contribute sometimes to other people’s projects or buy each other’s work. Sometimes it all you can do to survive and stay above water just to maintain a creative existence. So many of my artist friends are pushing me and encouraging me in so many ways to succeed and when you have this kind of community behind you, you already know you are a success.

Last night I had a woman, completely out of my circle of followers, link into my blog via an article Alison had written for Flirty Author Bitches, became so enthusiastic about what I was doing that she: “I tweeted. I Facebooked. And I contributed. Hopefully, so will a lot of other people. Keep the faith, Terry! You do gorgeous work!” Her contribution pushed me into the home stretch and I feel like this thing is going to happen. So today my blog is dedicated to you Christine Ashworth. Thanks for your amazing support.

I am now just $500 from the goal, and if I could make a goal of $50 a day now until the end I can make it. Two $25 donations per day would make this happen. Thanks again for everyone’s support in making this happen. THE NAKED MAN PROJECT: SEARCHING FOR EXPOSURE

During most of the fall of 2008 and into the summer of 2009, I redesigned the studio and it underwent construction. It was time to expand beyond the confines of my tiny painter’s studio.

Through this six-month period, I was without a space to work and concentrated my focus on its completion. It took the summer to get into the space, get it up to working speed and get back on my feet, but by the fall I was ready to go. Now that I had a space within which I could really move around and adjust lighting, my possibilities were unlimited. The market was beginning to fall into a slump and my commercial portrait work took a nosedive. To fill the open time I began to actively recruit models to work with in the new space and really put the new space to the test.

One of the subjects I was most drawn to was a young forestry student name Travis. It took forever to get Travis in the studio but once he saw the results of that I was trying to achieve we became great friends. Now he becomes one of my favorite subjects when I need to test new lighting ideas or theories. Today’s shot is one of the first images I ever did of Travis. We both so fell in love with this image that it has since become my avatar. It represents my work and I use it as my signature icon to most of my male nude portfolio. To me, it was a classic representation of all elements designed into one: the pose, the twist, the light, the color, and the balance of image in shape and contrast. I suddenly knew I was going to be heading in a new direction and that my possibilities were limitless. This was the simplest of images to create. My signature had always been my use of light. Now I was about the embark on a journey that would explore the possibility of taking an ordinary subject, bringing them into the studio and photographing them in such a way as to bring out the extraordinary beauty they could not, or possibly would not, otherwise discover within themselves.

I am currently a bit overwhelmed. It feels like I have a lot to do in very little time, and suddenly a bunch of new projects are coming my way. It seems like when it rains it pours, and right now I am drenched. The Kickstarter program seems to have become a major consumption of my time and energy. I am trying to network with people I have known and get pledges so I can feel secure moving on to the next step. I am only $600 away from that goal, but I still have the feeling that it all could fall through and I will be left floundering and struggling to get there on my own. It seems at the beginning the pledges were very strong with some big supporters and I am not getting the smaller ones I had anticipated. The pressure is immense and often times overwhelming. It is cutting too close to the trip and this makes me a bit uncomfortable. I should have started the process earlier and thought I had, but ran into some complications with Kickstarter that put me about three weeks behind the timeframe I originally wanted. I am also trying to get the portfolio underway and plan the details of this great adventure and trying to resist feelings of doubt and dread about putting myself out there with my images and work. I often wonder, should I have kept this all to myself, bottled inside? It has been a remarkable journey of discovery this year and this seems to be the culmination as to where it is all leading. I feel it in my heart, and my connection to those I have met along this journey is so strong. What the heart has once known it shall never forget. The Naked Man Project: Searching for Exposure

I wish to dedicate today to Marklin Fleshman, who has supported me as an artist since the beginnings of my Man Art days of May 2010, when I first began showing my images. He always seems to be my barometer and gives me a kick in the butt when I am feeling lost or drifting off course. He has helped me to find and see things in myself that I never knew were there. Thanks, Marklin. Though I have never physically met you, I feel you are my brother.