Home At Heart

What started off with a simple joke for Bill this morning has now turned into a major fashion design for a mime. I’ve been photographing Bill over the years in various locations of Montana dressed as a mime. Many years ago when I first got my Hasselblad camera, Bill planned to bring his mime show Under A Montana Moon to the hinterlands from which it all began. I designed the lights for the show which was a series of mime pieces about western themes, ranging from a cowboy shootout in an old western bar to the death of Matthew Shepard. So I went along on the tour to set up and stage manage the shows in the small towns we visited. Bill is known for spending his time in the communities working with schools or whomever else will have him during the days. I wanted to do a photo documentary as we visited all these one-room schools across the high line of Montana and down into Wyoming. So here I am with this big fully manual camera shooting black and white film and I follow him from place to place and the images are amazing. We sometimes hit two or three different schools in a day. He brought the teachings of the maestro Marcel Marceau to the mountains and plains of the west. The children are absolutely awestruck to see such extraordinary talent in their hometowns. Whenever we saw a great location we thought would become an interesting mime image, we would stop and shoot some images. So I have ended up with an interesting collection of images of Bill over the years. On one visit I had on a t-shirt from Butte Montana (which was world famous mining city) that said: “The Montana School of Mines”. Bill thought the shirt said “The Montana School of Mimes” so the idea was born to somehow create a t-shirt for him. I had completely forgotten about the idea until I was having coffee this morning and said I now have the tools and ability to actually make it happen. This morning before he got up I thought I would throw together the idea to surprise him. I used the image of him out in a field in Montana as the theme. Well we all had a good laugh over the concept and suddenly fell in loved with the concept. We started throwing all kinds of ideas out there and soon I was busy at my computer putting together t-shits for my Red Bubble site. Now I can add clothing design to my list of accomplishments. These t-shirts are now available for sale if anyone is interested. Maybe the proceeds could go to a Cripple Mime Foundation or some sort of organization. I guess it beats selling matches.

I have taken tonight off to attend the last night and Gala Performance of It Goes Without Saying at the Crystal Theater. Rebecca says there are still some tickets available so please come out if you haven’t already seen it. It has been such a blast to hang with Bill again in Montana. There is such strength to our connection to this place we call home. Though sometimes I feel stuck or trapped here I know my heart belongs in this place. It is a powerful heritage to be a part of this country and it’s visits like this that make me appreciate more the grandeur of being in such a remarkable place. Tonight I have invited my dad and his wife Norma to the show. I am not sure what he will make of it. There is so much of me in this show. Will he recognize my struggle for creativity? I don’t think he even knows of this Naked Man Project yet, I have not yet had the courage to tell him what I have been doing. Perhaps I fear more of myself, within myself then I suspect. It feels like I now live in a different universe. Am I afraid that he will not accept what I have become still? I don’t know why I am so hesitant to share this part of my life. I guess, in a sense, I am afraid how it will impact me emotionally. I have spent so many years coming to this place on my own. I do not feel my father is judgmental of me or my life style in any way, but I just don’t know where our world can intersect. I feel like I have been a failure through so much of myself with him that I really want to make a success of myself with it before I let him in. Perhaps I still feel a bit a shame and this possibility bothers me.

2 thoughts on “Home At Heart

  1. sinner

    >If your afraid Terry, then it is already impacting you emotionally.So I guess what I am asking is ,"What do you really have to lose ?". Funny how you can bear your soul to perfect strangers, yet not be willing to show the man who gave you breath, what you have a undeniable passion for. I guess it's all in how you measure success. You have an amazing talent, that was not handed to you, it's something you have worked very hard for. There is a lot in there to be proud of. Stop writing scripts, of what somebody else might think, and introduce yourself to your father, you might be surprised. Now feel free to tell me to mind my own dame business. Marklin

  2. Anonymous

    >Terry, I cried the weekend after I got my acceptance email and contract from the publishing company, because I so wanted my parents to be proud of me for finally getting published – they have been so supportive of my writing. But I figured they would not be impressed that I am writing male/male erotic romance. Well, they are both very proud. My mom is a little squidgy about the subject matter but my dad has been amazingly supportive. He even left my business card in various places in London, England when he was there this spring. It seems like we are never too old to crave our parents' approval. Even if we don't need it, necessarily, it is something that we always hope for 🙂


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