The third piece to go into the portfolio was originally called “Penis Torso” but for some reason when I have been posting it as “Male Torso,” not that it isn’t obvious. This really starts a movement for me where I am finally beginning gain control of my light and use it more sculptural and face my fear of showing full frontal nudity. I had been studying the lighting style and tonal quality of the photographer Fred Holland Day from around 1890’s. For the era he was working he did a lot of images of nude men that had this amazing soft light quality that I adored. I began a whole series of portraits of men and women in this style. It really made me focus on my process and figure out ways to refine it to get to core of this style. It began a balance of light and perfect exposure and then a manipulation of the film process techniques and then finally a whole new approach to the printing process. For the first time I began to use very flat surface papers so that the tones would look like they where actually receding into the surface of the images. This image mostly works printed on the silver gelatin darkroom paper, and this is what will go into the portfolio. To see the quality of this image in it’s original intended presentation is breathtaking and it works, where as a digital print that has been reduced for the internet to it’s smallest possible constraints the magic is lost. I really debated choosing this one because it did not translate to digital well, but the portfolio will eventually be shown to someone holding and looking at it, so it is a must to see the quality of subtle beauty. This image strove to capture the essence of all was working to create. The subject had the perfect classic body that was the pure perfection of form and shape for this sort of imagery. When I saw it I knew this image would emerge. The model was also a bit reluctant for me to show his face to have it associated with exposing his nudity. It’s very funny because after I printed the contact sheets and gave them to him he showed them to his boy friend who deemed them pornographic and forbid him from working with me again. I never saw him again and he never saw this final image.

I really began to question whether what I was doing was actually pornographic or art. It funny how some people consider showing a man’s penis pushes us over the line of what is actually tasteful or not. To me this was perfection of form and beauty and a strong desire comes from is tonal qualities. I guess we live in world where putting ones wanker out there becomes a standard of porn or looking for sex. But the classic artists like Michelangelo put it out there everywhere as natural and organic without a second thought, but then again he was another gay man, so perhaps it was his calling card for picking up other men as these sorts of images become for the modern internet cruise sites. It makes me laugh to think of the possibilities.

The second image in the portfolio is called “Lying Torso”. I had photographed a dance piece at the University loosely based on the eroticism of the Dracula myth, and was captivated by the lead dancer: a kid named Ken White. I invited him into my studio, somewhat reluctantly because of the awkward experience with Darrin, and he accepted. We hit it off instantly and began to work on a series of images over the course of the next year or so. I had finally gotten into an old painters studio (owned by a friend), cleaned it out and converted it into a photo studio. The studio had a bank of north facing skylights, perfectly designed for the most extraordinary natural light that I began to work with and learn to use in my imagery. I had also accumulated a few more lights, building on the Lowel hot light system that had a very theatrical feel to it. These became my staple method of lighting as I began doing a lot of headshots. “Torso Lying” was created with a single Omni light, hung on a boom above the subject. I had a scene designer from the University paint some background and drop cloths for the studio, which I draped over a bunch of platforms set at varying heights.

Ken was really the first subject I consistently began to work with in exploring this new space. I knew that I wanted to somehow photograph Ken nude, but it took me months to build up the courage to ask him. He had a girlfriend, and oddly enough lived half a block from where I was living at the time. He being a straight man created a great reluctance within me to ask him to work naked. I battled a great deal of internalized homophobia that seemed to take a long time to overcome. I had been studying the male nude for a long time and had the greatest desire to work in this arena, but didn’t want to come off as a perverse homo who was lecherously after naked men. Somehow, in my mind, there wasn’t anything really sexual about the images; it became more a study in form of light. But, psychologically, those fears were difficult to overcome. Most of the time, when we worked, we would study images of old photographers like George Platt Lynes and emulate qualities that we liked from the other artist. Somehow, I could never get to the natural beauty, or caliber of beauty, in the artistry of those great masters and would have to settle for something like this. In this manner I would eventually begin to see my own distinctive style begin to emerge.

This image represents a hallmark moment for me in my development. It’s where I really began to pay attention to the line and geometric structure at the core of the image. The ‘S’ shape of the image is strong and draws my eyes into the beautiful movement within. With images like this, my gut impulse becomes strong. At the time, I knew the image was good, but was not yet quite sure why.

I am still about $800 away from reaching my goal on Kickstarter to get this project off the ground. I am now three weeks away from the venture and need to begin to pull it all together. I will rest more assured that everything I am investing into the project will somehow be covered. Any little bit helps. Thanks for your support.

Today’s image is dedicated to Jay Womaldorf a very old and dear friend. Jay was an early supporter of my process, and saw in my what I was only beginning to discover for myself. He gave me a copy of “THE ARTIST WAY” that opened up my world to the possibility of becoming an artist. Thanks Jay.

The first image I have chosen for the portfolio is called “la danse lumière” the dance light. I was just beginning photography and this was the first real nude shoot. Darrin Eastwold was a dance instructor at the University. We had worked on several projects together and he was somewhat intrigued about me becoming a photographer because he knew of my fascination with theater and light. This shoot was probably one of the most awkward shoots of my early days. It was the first time I actually attempted to sculpt a subject with light. I was just starting out and did not have much equipment at the time. This was lit with a single Lowel Pro light. I didn’t have any kind of workspace at the time so we went to his apartment, which was a dilapidated old building I was actually surprised someone would be allowed to live in. We removed all of his furniture and rolled up the rugs so we just had a bare space. I wasn’t quite sure what I was after and had great difficulty communicating with the Darrin. He wanted all this elaborate movement stuff and I only had two dinky lights on stands to work with. Overall the shoot turned out to be a disaster, he became impatient and difficult. I had no real vision or concept and couldn’t really visualize what I was doing at the time because I was shooting on film with no point of reference. We both came out of it feeling discouraged and disappointed. Several days later when I processed the film and printed the contact sheets, this image leapt out from all the rest. I began to focus on this single image and printing it to heighten the almost blown out highlights and bring up the almost too dark shadows. Suddenly the image began to emerge and I remember becoming very excited by it. I spent an entire day printing this one image. It was the first time I became completely captivated by how beautiful the light shown on the silver gelatin paper as it glistened in the water. I knew this was a print I would cherish and so printed about ten copies of it. The remarkable quality of it didn’t really stand out until the image was matted and placed into a black frame. It also becomes the first image I ever showed in a public exhibition and was used as the promo image for that collective group show. I have given this image to many of my friend for birthdays and special occasions; I have also given it to various fundraisers across the country.

I chose this image for its simplicity in form and sculpture. This truly captures the essence of where my work would eventually go. I love this image and it will always remind me of that first spark of excitement in photographing the beauty of the male flesh. It is my first endeavor to merge the two passions of my world of theater with the nude male form. To me, it still stands out on a wall and I am still thrilled to see it hanging in friend’s houses. Today is dedicated to you Justin for your support of my work and for allowing the image to shine for so many years in your presence.

I am still looking for help with the Kickstarter project to get my images into a show or publication here is the link: THE NAKED MAN PROJECT: IN SEARCH OF EXPOSURE. Remember I will only get the funding if the entire goal is pledged. Even small contributions help get me closer to that dream. Thank you for your support.

Everything seems to be underway with Kickstarter and it’s begun with a great start. Within the first hour I had two pledges that contributed $500 toward the goal. It was mind boggling to see such quick response. It has given me the confidence to really get this thing going and I now know I am on the right track. Then I woke up this morning to see that I am over half way to the goal with in the first 24 hours.

My process now is to begin to begin building the portfolio I will take with me. You would think this would be an easy process, but making the final choices is far harder than imaginable. There are certain pieces that I feel are essentially me; these become necessary to represent my style. But then the difficult part is filling in the rest of the collection. There are so many other great pieces that I really having a hard whittling my way through the selection. The box contains room for twenty prints. So this has to be the best I have to offer. I will spend the next twenty days of the project showcasing one of the images from the portfolio and talking about my process in creating the image, the story behind the image, and a discussion why I think this particular image is important. Please note many of these images may already have been posted elsewhere in this blog process, so this is the first time since the beginning of this Naked Man Project that anything will be reused. I have chosen to work chronologically through the images, from the beginning of my process to present, trying to choose images that represent each phase or significant event in my evolution. I have actually made lists and have been working on it for some time now and have a pretty good idea where I want this to go though some of those images may change with the process.

Each of the images will go through a new printing process, as though it has never been printed before. I am going to oversee and print the images myself. I have chosen an Epson Exhibition Fiber Paper that has a double weight with a Gloss Finish. I have chosen this paper in particular because it feels and looks like the Ilford paper I loved to print with in the darkroom when I first began this process fourteen years ago. Though the package says gloss, it’s not glossy at all, but has a beautiful sheen to the surface. Several years ago I was creating an exhibition of images that I was hand printing in the darkroom for the show. I realized one of the key negatives had been damaged and all I had to work with was a digital scan. I was able to match the process and the paper exactly and no one could see the difference. The process has improved since then and this is the closest I could find to create the beauty of my original process. I will print each image only 5 times; the first will be a proof, very close to the original, it will be signed on the back and labeled Artist Proof #1, the second will also become a proof, tweaking and making just slight adjustments, it will be signed and labeled Artist Proof #2. These will go to anyone contributing $100 toward this process. I will then reprint each image three more times as final prints. Each of these will be matted on a beautiful 11×14 exhibition white rag board that will be numbered in the creation of 3 full portfolios. The 1st number will go into the final portfolio for France and Italy, the other two I will give away to anyone who contributes $250 toward this project. People making the first pledges will have first choice of the images and number they desire.

So here we go and remember that if I do not make the pledged amount in the next 23 days no one is charged and the project falls through. Here is the link to my Kickstarter project online: THE NAKED MAN PROJECT: IN SEARCH OF EXPOSURE. Please help if you can, even small pledges quickly add up.

This morning The Naked Man Project takes another leap of faith in it’s evolution. In the past six and a half months it’s amazing how much we have grown. My ultimate goal was to create some kind of public showing of my images and work and hopefully have a publisher pick it up and we could do a book of some sort. Today I embark on a campaign to make this dream an eventual reality. I am taking a leap like I have never taken before creatively. Asking for others to help me in my process. A little over a year ago, I was a frustrated, reclusive artist, lost, desperate at the end of my rope with a hidden talent. I did not think my images of nude men were very good, certainly not interesting enough to show to others. They were a journey into my own psyche, the images of a dying man’s desire, dreams, memories. Not even my partner was aware or had seen many of these images. I was afraid to show even him what I was crating. Now a little over a year later I have made that leap of faith and put the images out there. I have emotionally connected with a collective of extraordinary artists from all over the world who have instilled me with a confidence and strength I never quite knew I possessed. I have inspired others through the lessons I have learned. To put one’s self out there every day for an entire year is taking more stamina then I ever imagined. So here is stand, once again, exposed, possibly the ultimate exposure of all because I need something in return. The stakes are higher now with the possibility of a dream just out of reach. It is typically not in my nature to ask for help, and I have spent a life being self-sustainable. I have always been the one that offers the support. This leap is just not on a financial level that I expose myself; it is also on an emotional level. I spent all day yesterday creating a video for the launch of this campaign, I have finally stepped in front of the camera and put the part of myself out there that has not been seen. Being the type of artist I have been, it has been easy to remain hidden. You may think this is silly because I have spent a great deal of my life working in theatre. But in that world I too remained hidden. I always worked in the darkness behind the scenes. The last couple of days have been a very daunting and unnerving task. There is still a part of me that wants to stay hidden and remain in the dark but what good is a passion for creation if it only to be locked away and never seen? Now the only question I must face and ponder, is this all an illusion that I have created in my head? Do I really have a talent to succeed? Has this merely become a delusional fantasy that I engage to mask my insecurities I am possibly afraid to face. To choose to be an artist of any kind is daunting. I learned a long time ago that as an artist I would never be quite content with a simple answer; there are no simple answers. We put our selves out there as an example to others, to inspire others, to make us reexamine what is true within our selves. The greatest part of creation is the courage to begin the process. I have at least done that and the journey has led me to the greatest discovery of all, myself. These journals, these images are the stories of my evolution, laid bare for all to examine with dignity, grace, and humility unbiased and uncensored. This is the journey of an artist, but ultimately the journey of a man, flesh and blood who has dared to live.

I have been offered the opportunity to meet several influential patrons of my imagery. They are quite interested in the unique quality of my vision and have become fascinated by this project and process of my exposure. They are interested in meeting me to figure out some sort of creation of a public exhibition of my images or a publication of my work. Some have agreed to host me with minimal expense as long as I can get to their locations in various parts of Europe. I have used my accumulation of airline miles to get me as far as Paris, so what I am looking for help with covering some of the incidentals, some hotels, and a little travel. But my greatest effort needs to be in creating a portfolio that can knock their socks off. It is time in my life to make this leap, so thank you so much for any support you can offer.

The Kick Starter program is a web-based project designed to connect artistic endeavors to public support to make those proposals a reality. You come up with a project that you think is worthy of support, submit a proposal, set an amount you need to raise. If the project is accepted, it is given a set amount of time to meet its goal. Once posted, anyone can then look at your proposal and decided if they want to pledge toward that goal. It’s an all or nothing program, where you must reach the goal or no one is charged and the project does not get funded. Here is the link to my Kick Starter campaign. Every little bit helps in obtaining that goal. Please become a part of this next step in my journey.